i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize