Me too!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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