I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
