I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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