I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
