If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize