we made out on top of his cat.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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