Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
