He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
