the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
