He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My first STD was from a foam party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
