i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
