you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
