erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
