you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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