So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize