im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
