If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love having hate sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
