WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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