i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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