He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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