oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I could make wine with my vomit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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