Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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