he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
