hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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