Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
