I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
