it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
