Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
