I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
