So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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