Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
