somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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