Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
