I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
