I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
