I want to have your abortion
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
