I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
