yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
only if we run a train.
done.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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