I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
