That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
