saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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