Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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