It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
FUCK WHALES
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
