Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
