3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
