Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mom said you looked used
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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