I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
two words: eviction party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
