If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
