Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
