Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
