why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
