i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
