oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
