I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
