We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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