Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
