haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How does one acquire holy water?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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