weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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