my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
