I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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