in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize