I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
