don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
