I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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