called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
