So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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