Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
