Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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