i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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