guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
