have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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