At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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