I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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