Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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