We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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