Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
