Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
