her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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