If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sext me about skeletons
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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