I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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