you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
