Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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