dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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