So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
