He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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