I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
