Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
