Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
