I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We need to get me chipped asap
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
