In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
