bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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