How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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