I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
