Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
