mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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