i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
