my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize