so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
