that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
