I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
