so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
