grandma shit on top of the toilet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
