There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
