these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
