you guys were way drunker than both of me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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