i don't like sucking hair
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
